Recap Of The Barstool Spelling Bee

Yesterday, we had the second “annual” Barstool Sports spelling bee. At -1400, I was the heavy favorite going in, according to KMarko’s power rankings. And thanks to my lifelong dedication to reading books above my reading level, I won. Humbly, it wasn’t a runaway victory. The “easy” words in the first round were all over the place. The Heartland guys were in the office, and their version of Frankie (there’s only one Frankie imo) kept getting childish animal species to spell, like DOG. Dave had HORSE, but he also had EFFERVESCENT.

Hank got probably the toughest one with “onomatopoeia” early on, courtesy of our friends at Built With Chocolate Milk, which lets you put in real work by giving you real recovery, backed by real science.  Studies show lowfat chocolate milk can help you repair and rebuild lean muscle after a tough workout, and also helps avoid burnouts.  Seriously, you can check the science out here if you don’t believe me, which would be odd if you’ve ever seen my physique.

But aside from that, most of my early words were easy (BUFFOON, ARCTIC), until we had narrowed it down to the final four: me, Kevin, Hubbs, and Feits. That’s when they traded in the easy stack for the “challenge” words, and things took a turn.

My first word was “Gesellschaft,” a word that we should never have appropriated from the goddamn Germans. It means “social relations based on impersonal ties, as duty to a society or organization.” I don’t know why we, as Americans, heard the Germans use this word and thought… fuck, we need that, and gesellschaft is the perfect way to say it. I missed it, so it went back to Kevin. He was given “laodicean,” meaning lukewarm or halfhearted. At this point, it turned into a pillow fight because neither of us had any chance with the challenge words unless we got one that we knew. And that’s when I got “denouement,” a word I’ve probably used in a blog before. Thanks to my French background, I nailed it and took home the cash.

It was a really fun contest that reminded everyone that when it comes to contests at Barstool, nobody else has a chance. I dominated the Barstool combine in similar fashion, and at this point, I don’t know why they let me participate in these things. It has to be bad for company morale.

To the victor belongs the spoils. Aka $1500. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have some handjobs to pay for.